I’ve spent the last three months spending accumulated experience points, and now I’ve leveled up.
I gained at least two skill points in Self-Perception, with an extra specialisation in Catching Myself Saying Bad Terrible Not-Good Shit.
(Many thanks to Leela, who has dramatically reduced my training times. And many apologies to every non-roleplaying geek who needed to decipher what I just said.)
So yeah, for the first time in my life I am finding myself being self-aware in the moment, and not just four hours after I’ve screwed everything up.
I can hear the self-talk, and correct it, and move on undamaged.
It is FUCKING PHENOMENAL, GUYS.
This morning I was listening to the bazillions of 5:30 birdies in the Awesome New House and thinking about the day ahead, like you do. And I was also listening to myself as I thought it out.
“I’ve got the Pilot Light call, and I’ve got to update my address for my driver’s licence, and I’ve got to update the metrics, and I have to write an article, and I gotta spend some time with the Provocateurs, and I have to plan that new resource for them, and… and waitasecond, why am I saying “I got to” and “I have to” so much? Holy crap, I made all of that – except for the Pilot Light group call – sound like chores. No wonder my enthusiasm has been a bit lacking lately – doing stuff just because I gotta is the buzzkill of all buzzkills!”
I turned over and thought some more.
“I don’t HAVE to do any of that stuff, except for the driver’s licence and calling the insurance company. Those are gottas. The other things, they’re all GET TOs. I get to do this because I am ridiculously fortunate enough to run my own business, just the way I want to. When you get up, you just remember that.”
And when I got to my computer I remembered it. I spent ten minutes on Twitter, responding like I used to do (and was worried I had forgotten how to do). I replied to FB posts and got into a memejoke thread with Dusti and Amanda. I planned my day with lightness instead of grumbletude.
I said, “Write the list of get to’s.”
So here they are.
I get to spend time on social media with delightful, intelligent people.
I get to give Ellie advice via DM while I’m writing this article.
I get to sleep in as little or as much as I want to.
I get to talk about myself, a lot, and have it make people’s lives better. (I still don’t understand how that happens.)
I get to make as much money as I am comfortable making.
I get to expand how much money I am comfortable making, if my present limit does not serve me.
I get to talk to people who make amazingness.
I get to avoid negative people.
I get to reply to the glowing email from a new reader in my inbox.
I get to connect people, into one big Voltron of wonderful.
I get to do the work I am best at.
I get to choose who I do that work with.
I get to work from wherever I wanna. (Although it’ll need at LEAST four bars to do Skype calls.)
I get to put a painted hand grenade on my desk.
I get to wear whatever I want.
I get to reply to the thoughts people share with me in the comments.
I get to process invoices when I get paid.
I get to pay the rent with my brain’s endeavours.
I get to do a side hustle if I want to.
I get to publish this now so I can have breakfast.
HOLY FUCK I HAVE THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD.
Why did no-one tell me?