Commandments of Marketing (That You Might Actually Like), #1

Lo, I come unto you with truth! Prepare to be Enlightened.

Commandment #1: Thou Shalt Not Do Marketing That Gives Thou The Shits.

commandment 1

 

And lo, I say unto thee, I say, “Life is too fucking short to spend recreationally shoving bamboo splinters under your nails.”

If email lists make you feel sad and resentful and obligatory-ish, DON’T HAVE ONE.

If writing a blog makes you feel like ten pounds of ugh in a five-pound bag, DON’T HAVE ONE.

If maintaining a presence on Pinterest or Facebook or Twitter or Vine or Instagram make you feel like crawling back into bed, say it with me kids, DON’T HAVE ONE.

But, Catherine, Expert Person X says they’re the must-have!

Expert Person X is talking out of their ass.

What they should be saying is, “Hey, this worked amazingly well for me when I did it, and possibly also it works for clients I still work with now.”

But there are some huge caveats built into even that statement. Importantly:

1. How long ago was it that they used this strategy to such amazing effect? ‘Cos I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but marketing, and the internet most especially, is an ever-shifting place, and one with ever-increasing levels of sophistication. By the time a ground-breaking strategy can be formula-ised, it’s already about 15% as effective as it was when it produced the results the strategist can boast of.

2. Expert Person X is not you. Expert Person X’s previous clients are also not you. Your audiences are different, too. Thus, what worked for them might or might not work for you.

Besides, even they were 100% correct about the astonishing results to be gained by their thingy…

… you still fucking hate it.

How much energy would you waste pushing yourself to get this horrible hated task done?

How enthusiastic, creative and sincere a job will you do while gritting your teeth and just… getting through it?

How easy would you find it to abandon when the workload piles up/you feel a bit sick/the kids want to go play/a dog barked two blocks away/that cloud looks shifty? A brilliant strategy means nothing if it never gets done.

There is no One Marketing Approach To Rule Them All.

I pinky-swear. There are more options than time to implement them, they are all variously effective with various audiences, and not a single goddamn one is mandatory.

So ditch anything you genuinely don’t wanna do. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and no end of ways to tackle ’em. (PUN.)

And lo, I say unto you, “You’re not even tied to the rack, dude. Get off that thing.”

With thanks to the Provocateurs (which has become a free Facebook group for in-depth and totally fabulous conversations about business and marketing and why everyone should have a pet and feel free to apply if that sounds amazing to you) who had the initial exploration that sparked this article.

Also thanks to …some guy for the original image.